Saturday, January 10, 2009
DAVUI, in the process of saving a source's number on her mobile, instead sent him a message comprising his name and number. She had to text again to say it was a mistake and apologised.
OUTGOING senior civil servant told colleagues at his farewell party he had returned three times to the service after retiring at 55. A fourth return, he said, would be in a big way. And big way means, as civil servants' minister?
EXCITED IQ Active viewer was well into his stride answering questions left, right and centre. In all eagerness to get the next one right, he said the study of plants was, "plantation," then realising his mistake looked around sheepishly.
TRANSPORT head writes assignment on the board for the drivers to pick a man from Nausori Airport. Davui was wondering as to the identity of the man when his colleague gets up and, in brackets writes, any man, to 'clarify' the assignment.
PARTY queen partied so hard at night that her purse was found at one friends place, shoes at another and hair clips at another's. In all honesty, one cannot help but wonder where the party queen was found the next morning.
Friday, January 09, 2009
DAVUI'S nieces saw a massive pothole at the lower end of Mead Road and piped up: "Can we have a bubble bath in that pool, aunty?"
VISITOR from the Land Down Under was surprised by the pole dancers at a popular Suva nightclub. "I commend all the beautiful queens who jumped up and shook their booties at a club in Suva last night. "Their moves were shaggaliscious, their hairstyles incredibly chic and their outfits to die for." Good work for showing visitors and locals alike, that aspect of life is thriving in Fiji, of course subject to your point of view.
JOURNO wanted to impress firefighters with her photography skills and when she positioned the camera to take a shot, all she saw was a blank screen. Little did she know, the lid for the lens was still on. The young firemen giggled when red-faced journo took the lid off.
MASTER Four, who is impatiently waiting for kindergarten to start this year, has successfully managed to nag mother into buying him text books. He finds the text books covered by parents for older siblings in Class Four and Seven torturing. Now he drags his bag along each time the book-covering process takes place and demands his books be given the same treatment.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
DAVUI'S boyfriend and sister came to meet her at the office. Security guard at the office was surprised to see the BF with a girl as usually she tagged along. Security guard said Davui's BF was two-timing her and brought the girl to the office to cause a fight.
JOURNO was walking along in the city when a group of high school students stopped her and asked "do you attend Gospel High". Big kaila for the gang in the newsroom.
DAVUI was interviewing an old man yesterday. In the course of the interviewing, she couldn't figure out why her colleagues were making weird faces at her. She discovered afterwards he was senile.
A group was on its way to Rakiraki and had just gone past Nausori, when one asks: "Are we still in Tailevu?"
HOW do you know you're getting old? When your teenage son tells you one of his friends met you in a nightclub after New Year's Eve. And it's even worse when you don't even remember. The conversation went like this... "Was I polite?" asked mother. "Yes," says son, "you even asked him how his swimming training was going". "And what did you say when he told you he saw me," asks mother. "I said 'Oh no!!" he said.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
FED-UP grog host was asked after a choir meeting, "So, what time?" with a well-practiced sorrow-filled bogus expression written all over her face, she answered, "Man, we woke up this morning and found that someone had kidnapped our porch."
LAST night in Valelevu Davui was woken up by the sounds of a woman screaming and men yelling. Davui was so concerned that someone was dying, that my friend and I snuck out the back door of our house. Davui and friends crept down the gravel road in pitch darkness, tripped over several massive pot holes and finally hid behind a tree near the house that the sound was coming from. To Davui's surprise, there were people with arms waving, hugging and some simply relaxing on the veranda. It was some kind of a prayer session, or warding off of a spirit.
SOME Fijian boys have strange methods of impressing foreign women. Tourist was lucky enough to be propositioned by a lovely young boy. After declaring his love for her, he quickly assured her, as though she was seriously contemplating his proposal: "Don't worry, I have condoms!" She told him that it would take a little more than a condom to get her into bed.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
A PIECE of mail was placed on one recipient's desk, using a name that is no longer in circulation. That should have got the warning bells going, but those didn't actually ring until the mailed invitation was read out - inviting her to a dinner in June 2003. It seems the secretary finally got around to passing it on - five and a half years later.
IT's amazing how some city fathers are completely unaware about the happenings in their own council. Davui calls up a city father to ask about a resolution that was passed and implemented already and the city father had no idea. He refers Davui to speak to the CEO and the CEO, being a good halfback, quickly referred Davui to this other administrator. Shouldn't the people on top know about happenings in their own organisation?
SOMETIMES no matter how much things change, they remain the same. Like a certain person on a clean-up mission who landed unannounced and then proceeded to demand that he be given VIP treatment - something that hadn't been cleared yet from HQ back home. The same old threats were thrown in along the lines of "do you know who I am" and "do you want to keep your job?". So much for the clean-up - I guess they missed a spot, the power-tripping one.
Monday, January 05, 2009
WITH the Caucau case hot in the lead-up to the Sevens World Cup team selection, a man asked a radio talkback host who should the FRU discipline -- Leps and Naba who have been copping yellow and red cards up until the last round of the IRB series or Rups, who is scoring in every game for Agen in France? He asked what disciplinary case against Caucau is the FRU talking about? Good point.
CALLING a minister who never answers is frustrating but what you say when someone answers but no word is uttered. The journo could only hear heavy breathing from the other end after introducing herself and then the line was cut. God bless our leaders.
FATHER and sons were discussing the trick of the trade about a game on the Play Station that involved women. Father told sons their mother could complete the game when Master Four quipped: "No, mother can't butako. She is too good for that."
TIPSY teenager was yarning to neighbour about his preacher uncle. The teenager said the family could not be blessed because the pastor and his wife were always locking themselves in their room to watch blue movies. And Davui thought pastors were bound by faith. Must be the season.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
A journo went to cover story at a church. Minister was busy greeting members of the congregation and exchanging pleasantries, so she thought it best to stand next to him so she could get a word in as soon as he was free. To Davui's surprise, as soon as the faithful had finished talking with the man of the cloth, they also hugged and kissed her. A friend later told the journo that she looked like minister's daughter, who is a high school student. Or it might have been that journo looked like a long-lost sheep who had decided to rejoin the flock and the members of the congregation were just showing her that she is welcome.
WE all have our rituals and practices used to herald in the new year. Some of us take to raising a din by drumming on tins and the like. All well and good but blocking the road in the process is definitely not good. Some youths of a settlement outside Suva need to be reminded of this. Some hard words would not be out of place.
SMART Mister-Know-It-All told his mates "it's going to a hell of a New Year and fuel will be the first to increase".
He disappeared from that favourite watering hole last night and his friends waited in vain for him.